More changes
Been a while since I have written anything here. Been a while since I have done anything, really. I was on personal leave from work for two months, and I just went back a week or so ago. However, I went all Office Space and called off of work on Thursday and Friday, so hopefully I will go in today and they will fire me. Hopefully is because I want to move back home. I don’t want to be down here anymore.
I don’t do anything down here but stay on the computer (which isn’t bad since I got my Dofus character to level 148 and started playing World of Warcraft and have my character to level 25 there!) and work. Well, work when I actually decide to. I don’t even really try to go out and socialize, since it’s so different down here than it was in Athens. It doesn’t seem like you can find anyone decently down here, though I mostly say that’s because it’s West Virginia. But it seems that there are so many more people down here and they’re just harder to talk to. At least in Athens I actually knew people and people knew who I was, though sometimes that was a bad thing. But I don’t care about that anymore, my anxiety over what people think has been cured through therapy.
I just want to go back to the way that things used to be. I want to get fired so I can get unemployment and move back home to where I can actually eat again. To where I can save money and have plenty extra at all times. I think I will go to work at a prison near my house, actually. I might still get the job down here, but I could drive the 60 miles until I get transferred to the one up there, I would say. Then I can work on the whole physical thing so I can become a cop somewhere. I just feel so shitty all of the time here that I don’t even feel like working out or doing anything. I just want to be on my computer playing my games.
I really hope I get fired today, since I certainly am not going to have hardly any sleep to make it through the day if I don’t! I was just in bed trying to sleep, but my mind is so wound up, even though my body is kinda tired. Oh, and I got a cat! I’m very happy to have a cat, though my grandmother doesn’t know and she’s going to be very pissed off if I come back home with a cat. But Todd thinks that if she wants me to come home bad enough (which she does) that she will accept the cat too. But yeah, that’s what I have been up to recently.
It would be nice to have things be the way that they used to be. I like the peace and quiet here, but I think that I would rather be at home. And I think that my new years resolution is to not do anything that jugar poker lineacard studcrack rebel pokerpoquer texasjuegos de poker en españoljuegos polli pokerpoker online en españolstreep pokerpoker caribe webparty poker bonusprobabilidades pokerstip poker onlinebonos poquergambling pokerpai gow poker pagina internetsexy poker onlinecomo jugar a pokerpoker en linea gratispoker portales webdescargas juegos de pokermultiplayer poker game,poker game download,poker gamejuegos de poker para pcapuestas en lineaeuro pokertorneo poker gratisjuegos de polli pokerpolli pokerreglamento poker texas holdempai gow poker internetstreep poker on linecaribbean poker portal webstrip poker gamejuegos de cartas pokerstreap poker gratispoker gratis para pcstrep poker onlinejuego streep pokerjuegos poker eroticojugar poker webbwin pokerpoquer lineawww polli poquerpoker 2 cartasencuentros pokerpolly pokerpoker caribe portales webjugar poker internetpoker gratis sin dinerodescargar juegos pokerpoquer texas hold I don’t want to do. Not going to work at a job that I don’t like, not going to give a guy a blowjob before sex if I ever actually start sleeping with anyone besides Matt. Not going to do a damn thing that I don’t want to do, since live is too short and mine is already halfway or more than halfway over. It’s pretty much over after 50 or 60, so I need to make the most of things before everything goes to hell in a handbasket.
And this is the 8th year that this domain has been live, so grats to me! I can’t believe I have been doing this for 8 years, I think that it’s the only thing that I have ever stuck to for that long. I know I have been a little post lacking at times, but I keep coming back to it. I couldn’t leave this place for the world, it’s a big part of my life. But I will update you as soon as I find out what’s going on, since I don’t have much more info to share at this moment.
Working on it…
Things are going well with the therapist and I will be seeing the psychaitrist in a couple of days. I can’t wait to get some medication to help this process out a little bit. I am not thinking about the past anymore and it doesn’t bother me when people stare at me in public. I’ve made a really good first few steps in the right direction to being better, but it is going to be a long road ahead. There’s really only one more thing that I need to work on now… and that’s the whole worrying about right now and the future.
Mostly, it’s about Matt. I asked him if he would keep an open mind for the future for when I get totally better, and he said that he would, though I really think that there is a lot of resistance from him. There are things that he says and certain ways that he acts that makes me think that he really isn’t seriously considering it. He says that he wouldn’t have much time for a girlfriend with his new job and him wanting to take a couple of classes, but I said that would be alright, to which he replied that I’m stupid.
I think that if you love someone, it shouldn’t matter if you don’t see them very often, you don’t always have to be together. I’ve known him for a good while now, and I know everything that I need to know to not need to be with him all of the time. And then there’s my personality flaws that he speaks of, which is something that I am working on. I tell you what though, once I get all well, if he still doesn’t like who I will be- then fuck him. There is only so much that I can do, and the rest of his problem would be his problem of being an asshole.
Anyone who would not want to be with someone who is as loving and good as I am is a fool. Not being boastful, just being realistic. I know that I have a few flaws right now, but I’m working on that stuff for myself, not for him. But yeah, I’m so tired of worrying about this shit, so this week I am going to work on the whole not worrying about the future and Matt. I pretty much take things a week at a time now. It seems to be a little slow at times, but there is progress being made, so that’s all that matters. I still have to go backto work on December 3rd, so hopefully I can get a lot better by then so the stress from working won’t get to me anymore.
Hmm, let’s see, what else? I wish my army guy was certain about what he wanted, because I know for sure what I would do in that situation. But since he isn’t sure about what he wants to do, I still have to pine away about Matt, since nothing else is certain at this point. Oh yeah, me and Tommy are over. We didn’t talk for a week and left him some voicemails to which he never responded, so I emailed and asked him if we were ever going to talk again. He said that we could talk as friends (yeah, whatever), but that our schedules are just too different for us to consider anything more. I knew there was something wrong with him- he obviously can’t see a good thing worth having patience for when he sees it.
Anyway, I’m still broke as fuck, have a shit ton of late bills and need my damn disability check to get here fucking soon so I can pay my damn cellphone bill. It’s fucking a week late tomorrow, I’ve never been that late at paying my cell phone bill, ever! Fuck all the credit card bills, I’ve totally stopped worrying about those, though I suppose I will have to call a debt consolidation place soon to try to get that mess figured out. It’s about a lost cause at this point and I don’t give a fuck, it’s less that I have to worry about, so I’m cool with that. As long as I can pay my basic bills, it’s all good.
But yeah, I’m starting to feel better now about most things, except for the current and the future. But yeah, that’s on the roster for this week, so I have plenty to keep me busy. Once again, for anyone who wants to donate to the cause so I can actually eat, my Paypal email address is serrastone@fuh-q.com!
